How come he behaves around you?

-She is elegant and she is a lady - he said - just like Tom Jones sings in his song.
-Oh, ofcourse, that's it, she is a lady but who is Tom Jones? - she wondered.

Maybe, maybe not, smoking drinking and swearing isn't very ladylike. I have been thinking lately about how different we present ourselfs depending on who we are talking to and in what situation we are in. It is not only the appropriate way of communication in different settings but also a possibility of being different from your usual self. We adjust ourselfs according to the benefits certain behaviour might give. I think that people not only are two-faced but multi-faced. That is very interesting. Makes me wanna wonder, is there a such thing as being yourself and being real? How can you be real when it isn't appropriate at all the times? Our society is a doll house, FAKE.

But then again, personality is very complex and depends on different environmental stimuli which makes us react in different ways depending on the situation and people around us. This would be a psychological explanation, tiny part of it.

Very, very interesting, I will keep on thinking about that while smiling and being extra polite at work. People who know me well would usually not call me polite...

Night, night.

I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life

Am I???

Here we are again, thinking and thinking and thinking in circles, not coming to a conclusion. I don't even know what I am thinking about or I do but it is confusing. Partially it is again about finding myself. Just a year ago I was pretty confident that I knew exactly who I was and what I was all about. Australia did definetaly made me to rethink and realise that even though I have experienced alot during my life which made me grow up and mature didn't automatically help me to find myself.

Is it all about talking to other people who still are searching or to people who already found it? Is it a combination of both? I think I am getting a headache. I don't think that I have been helping myself alot either, going out and drinking doesn't really make you smarter, gives you a moment of joy and a day or two of hangover. The bad is greater than the good, is it worth it? Maybe, once in a while.

What about this semester? I have been concentrating on uni more than on myself, haven't really bothered making new friends, did develope my friendships with old friends. Have realised one or two things...I have certainly put some pieces of the puzzle together. I am getting there. This puzzle is one of those huge ones, with tiny pieces and alot of blue, that is sky or sea or white clouds. All of those pieces seem to fit with each other but only the certain special ones do really fit.

Have my Spanish oral exam tomorrow and then work. Wish me good luck.

xox

Just a little love note.

I just wanted to write that I am excited to see my family!!!
Love them very much and haven't seen them for a year!!! Miss them, love them and gonna kiss and hug them sooooo sooon!

xx

Shocked me like an electric feel

Oh Darcy, you're such a sweetheart or "pretty sick" as you would put it. Enjoyed talking to you, you little "monkey-weasil" from Byron. No wonder why Linda and I wanted to adopt you. You're awsum and the fact that you appreciate my pancakes makes you even more awsum. What with village be without this skating curly haired little sneaky Darcy?

I found a new home away from home, my job. The best job I have ever had out of the few ones that I have had. My collegues are like grandparents who look after me and my bosses wife Rhonda is like a mom away from the real mom. Well, there is no replacement for my Mother, never ever, but Rhonda gives the warmth of a caring older person which is awsum!

Hmm this is gonna be pretty lame, I just wrote 8 e-mails to my mom so I am sick of writing, but I still want to write. Maybe I should go try to catch the cat and get some inspiration for this post...

Allana Davie, that lazy bum-bum is sleeping, that's what she has been doing all day today. Probably what I will be doing tomorrow because there is nooo way in the hell that I am going to bed anytime soon. Mainly because I want to study, watch Gossip Girl and other stuff and also because on my bed I have a pile of clean clothes and towels that have to be folded and stuff at some stage. I am a bit too lazy to do that. Can see myself just throwing it on the table and leaving it for tomorrow. Hmm...

Otherwise I am just over everything and I miss home want to go there ASAP. Just now, riiight now. So curious to see A. of whom I've heard alot by this point, there might be a tiny little chance that we will get along, knowing me this chance is tiiiiiiny, but there is hope so it's all good.

Don't get me wrong I am not completely over Australia, still is my nuumber 1 destination to be, but I just want a little break that's all.

Oh well I better get going...

Ciaooo!

Jag är en gummibjörn...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moVtHLtaznM

Jag är en smarrig mullig, skojig, gummibjörn!

2.32 am, youtube is my best friend right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTAtHwtAxCQ&feature=user

Kramissången är urgullig ju!!! Förutom att jag har lite svårt att förstå varför de valde en morot som kaninens kärleksobjekt...lite halvt snuskigt och konstigt tycker jag.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7dCBbaQLEE

Jag har just insett något, JAG SAKNAR DET SVENSKA språket. Haha, udda som fan.

Förövrigt är jag på ett bebis humör just nu mitt i natten/tidigt på morgonen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODc6x3yvEGI

Något är seriöst fel med mitt huvud, allt jag vill göra nu (istället för det normala som skulle vara sömn) är att sitta och kolla på videos med små kaniner, gummibjörnar och kycklingar som dansar runt, har stora ögon (det har de bara för att folk har lättare att tycka om något med stora ögon, minns inte varför men läste det i psykologi boken. Har hursomhelst hamnat i den fällan, dum som jag är), mjukt lent päls, är tecknade och har små bebis röster. Jag är fast verkligen. Små gulliga djur MER MER MER!!!

Och nu har det total flippat för mig här kan jag tala om för er, nu sitter jag här och sjunger:

My name is Inga and I am from Sweden,

and I can fall in love with you

and if you meet me on Ibiza, I can show you how to party too, ooh oh ooh oh oh oh..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwuUskHcWyA

Jag har flippat!!! Jag tror jag har en saknaSverigeensamisittrumgloendespåyoutubenatt i natt! Det maste man väl få ha någon gång, speciellt jag som oftast är väldigt glad över att jag inte är i Sverige. Tack och adjö!

It's all about 100 different options...noticing you, noticing me.

Let me tell you something; Grocery to the Shopping is hard AS! At least if you are me. I have a certain routine, have had it for ages now:

It all begins with me walking into the store, excited, taking the trolley and starting my grocerie shopping adventure.

I either go alone or with a friend. When alone I spend at least half an hour just walking around talking on phone or texting and at least walk 3 times down each isle. Usually I call a friend to keep me company because it is boring, but end up hanging up after a while to actually grocery shop. So that ends up being both waste of time and my credit. If I go with a friend I save credit but I talk just as much if not more and it takes ages to pick all of the groceries.

I finally start grocery shopping, here comes the HARDEST part of it, CHOICES. All of those different colours and shapes and flavour, they drive me insane, they stare at me and I stare at them, I walk away, I come back, I am CONFUSED, my mind is in Disturbia...

Last time Shannon came with me, it all started with me trying to find a conditioner I liked. First thing I saw was a limited edition from Sunsilk. IT WAS PINK!!! AND PRETTY, but definately not worth the money, it took me up to 10 minutes to get over myself and just take a Palmolive condtioner. Easy as! I thought, finally moving on.

Bitch pleeease, they come in sooo many different colours. I sat there opened every one of them and smellt them. Dropped one to the floor and broke it in the process. Who cares? After another good ten minutes I chose a conditioner. Same story with the tea, too many choices. Shannon was getting inpatient by this point. I found pink tea.

And finally, when I am shopping alone I end up with a trolley full of groceries which are transferred into at least 8 bags...8 heavy bags...yeh

I need professional help! :P

In other news everything is very good, I had an awsum day at work today, for some reason I enjoyed it. It was a ten hour shift, weird. My boss didn't even mention my late arrival yesterday, weird that too...I like my job, I like people I work with and I better not oversleep again. EVER.

HOT n COLD

...

.You are an idiot... I am an idiot... Entire world is an idiot. Am I having one of those days again? No even better, I have been having one of those weeks which is wonderful.

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes,

Yeh, You PMS like a bitch I would know

And You overthink, always speak cryptically,

I should know You're no good for Me.

You're hot then You're cold, You're Yes then you're No

You're In then You're Out

You're Up then You're Down

You're wrong when it's right

It's black and its white

We fight, we breake up

We kiss, we make up...

Everyone who knows me, knows that apart from being an ENOURMOUS ego I am also extremely moody...take getting annoyed every now and then and expand it to the extremes, that is me. Represent. Should be ashamed, but that's what makes me unique and oh so charming.

Lately I have been awful, mostly towards Allana...I would say that Katy Perrys song Hot n Cold summarises our relationship right now. Pretty good!

It is 1.59 am and I have to get up at 5.00 am latest, still not sleeping. Idiot. Having one of my sleepless and analysing nights. I better go and have a nap, can't really call it a sleep.

Not seeing forward tomorrow AT ALL! Overslept this morning and came one hour too late to work. My boss is working tomorrow, he will probably have a talk to me AGAIN, even though I told him that oversleeping never ever will happen again. Damnit. So so embarassing...

LOVE you Mom and Daniil! Miss you guys, can't wait 'til I see you again! Can't believe that it has been a year soon, the longest I have been away from you on my own...Feels like I moved to Australia just yesterday.

Linda it's you and me soon again as well, Michaela is gonna be in Sthlm from 7th of Dec, SWEET, Team Sweden reunited in Sweden!!!

OK time for a nap.

Night night.

...

Get that clear...

Aimee!!!

I miss you!

I am happy we spoke tonight and whatever happens from now on you know how I feel, which is all I need. It is your choice if you want to forgive me or not.

You are my first friend here and you can't imagine how much that means to me.

I haven't been the best friend all of the times.

Hopefully one day we can get back to what we were and just forget the past!

Hopefully I will see you in Sweden when you are on your trip to Europe.

Love you!

If I were a boy,

even just for a day...drink beer with the guys and chase after girls...
I swear I'd be a better man. (just bits and pieces from the song)

I am in love with Beyonces new song...

When I got back from tanning today I faced a shocking view when I opened the door,

all of the chairs were on the couches, it smellt like bleech and

wow, the floors were clean.

Allana cleaned the appartment,

how sick is that??? It is absolutely shining and I haven't touched a thing...I am super impressed.

THANK YOU!!! (finally)

P.S. I got a note about taking my shoes off and keeping the window in the bathroom open...

Cracked me up...how cute.

I am almost done with the theory for my learners licence,

didn't think it would be this easy, tried the online test several times and got 30/30 every time...

no wonder why people are such bad drivers down here.

Bye, bye!!!

Sending you all of my love Linda.

Sorry for what happened! Wish I could hug you and kiss you right now! Stay strong babydoll!

In happier news, I overslept, AGAIN, therefore I want to say thank you Ballina for driving me to work today...(I will be knocking on your door within a half an hour to wake you up, you love it). Still sick, so work is going to be interesting.

Can't wait til I am home, only 48 days to go, can't wait to see everyone, most and foremost my mom and my brother. Then the girls. Linda, we wont be living together but we wont need Skype to talk. Super duuper excited!

I better get going!

Later...

Just heard this song, brings back memories.

Yaro,Yaro, hey

Yaro, hey (vi kan hej)

Yaro, hey (vi ska)

Hey, hey, hey, hey

Yaro, hey Yeah

Högt lågt överallt, ja sa?

Jag vakna med huvudvärk och sten i mitt bröst

Jag vet ingen tröst,

jag måste sluta be till min törst

För det som kändes jobbigt känns nu dubbelt så svårt

Och hur illa betedde jag mig på klubben igår?

Jag var vidrig mot vänner, vad sa jag till tjejen?

Bråka med vakten om galnaste grejen

Ligger kvar i sängen, hoppas känslan ebbar

tills rummet krymper och jag trängs med väggar

Hon e 5 i 11, telefonen den ringer, försöker återfå minnet,

Vill här ifrån, och försvinnerut i en bakfylla

blandad med ångestjag säger samma sak för 6002:e gången

Jag ska aldrig mer göra så jag känner såhär

Det kvittar vilken fest de är och hur många jag känner där

Jag svär om jag bara kan klara idag

så ska jag ta mig i kragen och vara så glad

För the botten is nådd

Hur långt kan man gå?

Hur lågt kan man sjunka?

Hur kasst kan man må?

Kändes förjävligt innan

men det börjar bli lite bättre nu min vän

Om jag tappar fästet och trillar ner ska jag klättra upp igen

Tillslut när jag orkar ta mig upp ur min bäd

dfår jag en chock när jag ser klockan är kvart över 1

jag skulle träffat min syster för typ en timme sen

jag missa telefon-tiden hos kronofogden igen

men jag lär ju mig aldrig av mina misstag

vilket ämne det jag har en brist av

varför går jag alltid över gränsen

min hjärna den står där brevid när det händer

jag måste ringa runt och be om förlåt

känns som jag hellre vill dö men vi får se hur det går

tacka fan för mina polare har tålamod med mig

hade jag vart dom hade jag knappt tåla att se mig

min kyl den är tom, mina pengar är slut

alla ledtrådar säger: förändra dig nu

patetisk och ynklig, fy fan vilken dag

Jag duschar men samvetet, det sitter kvar

För the botten is nådd

Hur långt kan man gå?

Hur lågt kan man sjunka?

Hur kasst kan man må?

Kändes förjävligt innan men det börjar bli lite bättre nu min vän

Om jag tappar fästet och trillar ner ska jag klättra upp igen

Deppig som jag är börjar jag tänka på annat

som gör mig ännu ännu ledsnare och jag är nästan förbannad

men det som inte dödar mig blir jag ju starkare av

det är dags stirra upp skiten och göra smartare val

så knasst man kan vara, ja man smäller av

och de ät knappt att man klarar sånna sämre dar

innan det går för långt, nu är jag desperat

jag vill ju se till att göra nåt bättre av

denna korta tid som vi har här på denna planeten

kan man inte gå runt och skapa sina egna helveten

(Raahhh) äntligen så börjar ångesten släppa

och den bästa medicinen för mig är sånger som denna

Vi tittar upp ner, överallt

Jag sa: Upp ner och överalltöverallt Whooo

För the botten is nådd

Hur långt kan man gå?

Hur lågt kan man sjunka?

Hur kasst kan man må?

Kändes förjävligt innan men det börjar bli lite bättre nu min vän

Om jag tappar fästet och trillar ner ska jag klättra upp igen

Vi tittar uppåt uppåt uppåt

Vi tittar uppåt uppåt uppåt

Yaro, yaro

Miss Independent...

I JUST WROTE A HUGE POST!!! ...AND DELETED IT!

RECONSTRUCTION OF THE ORIGINAL POST:

Being sick sucks, my nose is an open tap that is impossible to close, my head goes "na na na", my body aches as if something as heavy as a car fell on it and I keep on coughing all of my inner organs out. SWEET! My questions is how you manage to get sick in this hot weather, it is not only me being sick, everyone is sick. Well makes me miss home extra much, mom would see that I am sick right a way and I could act like an infant again. Doesn't work with Allana the same way, she is a baby herself and needs alot of attention. You might get pity from her for a second and then she needs all of my attention on her. Lovely, I kind of can pull it off when I am not sick...

Tommyboy gave me some pills, they helped, better than Panadol, I also ate garlic, hopefully I am restored soon. Have an assignment due tomorrow, my last one...

Hopefully I can work on Jess and she will feel extremely bad for me...haha, my lovercakes lost her passport somewhere in the library so yesterday we were fixing that...poor bitch. It is all sorted, we just gonna go and post her applications for a new one now. She was so jumpy and nervous, Allana and I couldn't stop laughing, allthough I don't know what I would do if it was me.

I am going to go now...over and out!

TA AV DIG DIN TRUCKER KEPS!!!

Lovely ladies

I can't believe how self-centred I must be, I talk waaaay to much, I wish people sometimes just slapped me to shut me up. I rarely listen and I interrupt while the other person is talking, haha I am unbelievable. I always have my detailed stories that I just have to tell and preferrably 300 times, at least. Wow...

Last night Shanban and I were talking, once again me me me me talking, but then something happened and I decided to do something dramatic, to listen for a second and it payed off. I learned something about Shannon, I gave her the opportunity to open up, which was well needed and I have known her for a year soon...Although we started to spend more time together this semester, because I used to hate her in February. Why? She lookes bitchy...and she thought I came off as a bitch, that's not a surprise though.

So young lady Shannon is growing on me and I am happy to have her as a friend I am also very excited to move in together with her. Should be heaps of fun!

I have been tanning all day again, enjoying my last day in the sun, well I will be in the sun tomorrow, it's just that the pool and tanning oil will be switched into a tray with coffees or food, running around, working in the deli section, making food or by the till. Excitiing!!!

Will have to do some school work as well, haven't done much this week, needed my relaxation!

xx

It took me over two hours...

Guess whos room it is? Yes, Allanas, a bit of a change though. Started with removing mould from her wall and then just got caught up and decided to surprise her and clean her room, actually maybe prove a point as well, she always says that her room is a mess because she has alot of stuff, well the stuff is still there but it ain't messy anymore. For now, it will be back to its normal state when my dearest returns "home" from home. Oh well! I can say one thing, I never thought that I would say this but: ALLANAS room is cleaner than my own, my room isn't messy though. :)

Today I have done almost nothing, just chilled by the pool and tanned, swam 550 meters. The fire alarm went off while we were by the pool, I lost the count for the fire alarms this week, just like all other weeks. Same story with the firebrigade, they don't bother being quick anymore, because they know it's the village, they don't even go straight to the room where it went off. That's the way they get fat and unfit, like myself. Their job is coming here for nothing. It is funny in a way. Village is a circus. Don't live here, good entertaiment though.

Nice sunny days it is all over tomorrow. Because tomorrow is my last day of freedom, work all weekend, sucky sucky, but that's money. Study time and then bed, getting up early tomorrow.

Mwah!

Snakes, clouds and heat.

Morning, definately feeling better this morning, had a sleepin, til 9.30. It is windy and sunny outside, wish it was warmer. Waiting for my lover cakes Jess to come over, we gonna go and print off her project and I will get a little bit of exercise.

So the roadtrip with Shanban is off, we are not gonna go before the break, we spoke about it and when it comes to the financial part the trip would have been too soon. We decided to go after the holidays in the end of February. The plan is to fly to Melbourne, I might as well just fly there on my way back from Sweden that will save me money. We will stay in Melbourne for a couple of days catch the train to Sydney, stay there for a couple of days and then head up north to Shannons grandma. (I think that the place is called Foster) then we will head to Yamba where Shannon lives and take the car back to Goldie!

Now its time for me to go and tan!

Adiooos!

Something more...

Pursuing dreams and goals in life is not always the easiest task ever. It is both detrimental and beneficial for a person. It comes along with ups and downs and when either or hits you it can be the best or the worst moments of the life. Right now I am having one of those downs. Not really sure where the feelings are coming from. Maybe the fact that I am alone and wide awake analysing and thinking or maybe just because I am going home soon and just wish it could be sooner. Also have been thinking about major events in my life which occured over a year ago and that doesn't really make me feel better. Maybe I just need to fall asleep and stop thinking, tomorrow is a new day, a new step towards realising my dreams and becoming the person I am on the way to become.

I am aware that what I am doing will pay off in the long run for every one involved, but that long run is taking a damn long time. Sometimes during those ups and downs I start to question myself, I feel selfish and inconsiderate. I should be allright tomorrow. After the rain comes sun, I know it but,

I miss my family very much and I just want to hug and kiss and squeeze them and never let go.

Is this the way growing up feels? I haven't even seen the real life, real world. I just have tasted a tiny bit of it.

Over and out.