This is a "fart control/kontroll"...

...and Linda would endlessly get caught and have a HUGE pile of tickets. I am really funny, really really funny. (give me a break it is late). That heading would also ONLY be funny if said by a Swedish person to someone whos mother tongue is English.

I was sitting and inspecting my legs, browsing my mind for topics to write about in this post. I must warn sensitive readers to stop reading RRRRiiiiiight here and RIIIIGHT NOoow (as Shannon would say it). Todays topic is hair in-grow. Partially because Jessica always asked me what exactly it is and partially because I am brain damaged. So here we go.

Basically hair in-grow is when after shaving/waxing/epilating or whatever you do to get those silky-smooth walking fists hair decides to grow inwards instead of outwards. The hair sack? (is that the name?) gets inflamed and swollen, a yellow fatty thick liquid gatheres and the hair keeps on growing but never really reaches the day light. Most of us, little bit more stable people than me remain unaware of it and take no action. Me on the other hand start an exciting procedure. It all started when I discovered them the first time. I squeezed the area around the inflammation and voilá a hair (unrealistically long hair came out). That ofcourse became an addiction, that is just my nature very addictive to things. (that is why I can overanalyze for weeks when a hot guy says hello to me, was it in a flirtatious nice kind of hello or just friendly one, but if friendly one why did he wink? Because he did wink didn't he Allana? you get the picture) So I have taken this procedure to the extreme levels. I take a table lamp (lampa på svenksa, heter det lamp?) so that I can see better and sit there for ages and search my legs for hair in-grow. If I find them I am happy but just want more and more. What happens if I don't? I am ofcourse very unhappy and I fantisize about squeezing and getting out looooong hairs. The result? Well sometimes I squeeze and it is a false alarm, no hair, so I am left with a scar and no satisfaction. I have absurdly many scars on my legs, people either say WHOAAAAAA what the hell is that ???!!! or Giiirl thats a whole load of mosquito bites. I usually go along with the bites, would be gross explaining what it really is. But now you have it, now you all know.

I might loose a friend or two after this post, mabe all of them, I will be walking around and people will keep a distance, point at me and scream freeeak. We don't have lockers like in high schools at uni so at least there I am safe. I also think that I do know who will be most gorssed out. DAVIE, she is a pussy, she is easily grossed out and says ewwwwww or maybe I just choose to share waaay too many details with her. I also do know that I am going to have 1 friend left for sure. That is miss Wilhede. She will get called freak with me because that lady can def not abandon me the way she farts. Everywhere, louder than everyone. Sometimes people don't even realise it was her, because it sounds as if a guy farted not a sweet little innocent Linda. Hence the heading of this post.

When it comes to farts, burps and stuff like that the louder the better. Phil sure knows. Don't you? Allana too missy got up to mine and Linda's levels after a year. Good on ya!

Another reason why Linda can't abandon me is because I used to remain in the same bathroom where she needed to go for a number 2, a smelly one. I needed to fix my hair, she needed to go and we couldn't compromise. No biggie. Brought us so much closer.

I do realise that I really should delete this whole entry, but what the hell this one is on me.

In other news, Shannon and Allana step up your game, I am getting more and more tanned, not even joking, for real.

Over and out.

xoxo