See you later!

Bye Jessica! Hopefully our paths meet again. I hate goodbyes. This time I just shut in. I don't know what's happening...

Love you.

How could you be so heartless?

The final countdown has started, 9 days left 'til I am sitting on a plane at Brisbane Airport ready to leave Oz. What do I feel about that? Mixture of feelings, I am excited, happy, nervous, jumpy, sad, hopeful, curious...there are many words that can describe what I feel right now.

I am a bit dissapointed in the weather, it has been raining alot so I can't tan which sucks. Apart from that I like being in my room reading a novel or writing on my blog and listening to the pleasant sound of the rain. There is something about it that calms you down, puts you in a homey mood. I have unwinding lately, after the exams, slowing down and just taking it easy. Felt boring at first but it is really nice, you don't have to be up to something 24/7. Plan for tomorrow is to see a movie with Ballina and just enjoy each others company. This year has been a rollercoaster, with many ups and downs for both of us. Mostly because we were faced with independence, adulthood for the first time in our lives and got overwhelmed in good and bad ways. At least I experienced something like a "buffet effect" where you can eat all you can until you puke and then eat some more and more and more. When you know you have to stop but continue just because. I am still learning to balance out the responsibilities and joy. I have gotten better at doing it.

Even though all of the events throughout this year Allana and I have managed to have each other. We have fought more than usual lately, specially this past week, we had our storms that would sort out the next days. I think it is because we are emotional right now for different reasons, there is alot of tension and it is so much easier to hurt someone close to you and take it out on that person. Well I am glad we managed to stick together.

I just finished reading this novel called "Bachelorette #1" that Linda left, it has been my escape from the reality. It is filled with those fake feel good situations. It is very fake and predictable, maybe except the very end of the novel. Not gonna go in to the details about it but we need novels like that every now and then. They distract us from our misery and give us hope.

Btw, Linda I think that you get back home from states the 28th, that is the day before I will land in Arlanda...weird...


Miss you "Ama" and Danjusha!!!

Chmoki!

Sipping microwave warmed coffee at 3 am

This is definately something Linda and I would do during one of our study sessions. Now I am forced to do it alone. I don't need coffee to stay awake because I pretty much slept all day. Anyhow I realised that I had coffee, so I made loads of it. It has gotten cold after a couple of hours and therefore I am now microwaving it. Drinking it with no shit, just like Linda likes it, no milk, no sugar. Not because I am trying to copy Linda but just because I am way too lazy to put sugar and milk in it. Plus I shouldn't have sugar in it just in case I run out of power and start feeling tired. I still have couple of chapters to master. Then I am good for an early morning nap, followed by more studying and then exam and finally NO MORE STATS for the year.

Allana is a poo-face, she is sleeping. She is the worst "all-nighter buddy" in the history of "all-nighter buddies". Her definition of pulling an all-nighter is to stay awake 'til 3 am latest 3.30 am. All-nighters of that kind are for pussies. A real all-nighter is staying awake 'til the time you woke up on the previous day. Linda knows how to do it well, we have done it sooo many times.

We all know though (even Allana) that all-nighters (the ones for studying) in 6107 are never working, we end up doing EVERYTHING else, BUT studying. Somehow we manage to get through our assignments and exams.

Tonight I am pulling this off all alone, so far I have spent couple of hours on reading the book for the exam, rest of the god knows how many hours have been spent to:

*play Bitch
*play Tetris (allthough that was the worst idea ever, as the game got to level 8, figures started dropping down real quickly and made me all dizzy which resulted in a headache. Damn you Jessica, it's an evil game)
*Msn
*Hotmail
*Stalking people
*Watching Supernatural with Jess and Shannon
*Cleaning
*Just staring at the wall
*Calling Allana and waking her up
*Knocking on Allanas door to discuss assignment marks and once again waking her up
*Talking to Lindie on Skype
*Writing this post
*and many more useless events

Maybe I should engage myself in trying to complete the "impossible quiz"?


I got back my assignment results for Stats and was quite satisfied with my mark, which inspired me to keep on studying for tomorrows exam and nailing it. Hopefully I will.

Then it is ONLY 1 exam left, can't believe this semester is over very very soon! I can clearly remember Lindas last days, Phils last days, Dani leaving and that was BEFORE this semester even began. Time flies by waaay too fast.

xx

I get it in 'til the sunrise, doing 90 in a 65, windows rolled down screaming Ahhh!

Exams time tomorrow, my first real one for this semester. I wouldn't call Spanish test an exam.

1002 Individual and Social Psychology, the easiest exam. On Tuesday it is time for statistics, which is going to be tough. I work both exam days as well. Busy.

Last night was a night of closures. It was a great night, different from other night out in a good way. Jess you got your heart to heart, so happy for you guys.

I got my kind of a closure. I feel a relief, I still feel what I felt but now we are good and we are friends now I just will need time. It is easier on good terms, not like it was the way before.

Finally girlfriends I will stop bugging you about "777" who is "157" now or omething. Great the number is changed. It is like in a weird way it is changing for me towards the better. Like the number change would symbolise it. I know it sounds weird but that number has ment alot for me last few months.

Home soon, really excited. I was missing the snow and the cold and warm clothes today. I am not looking forward saying goodbyes, I have done it before and don't feel like doing it again. I will not lie the hardest to say goodbye to will be miss Lillie. It wont be the same without my "lovercakes", "lover", "partner in crime". You better come and visit or even better come for teachers college Down Under, you know it would be an awsume time. As I told you, haven't you had enough of Americans at the village? Who else will say "Nice bum, where you from!!!" or cook the banana bread or shorten my hair while dryblowing it? Bottomline, you are a great friend and it will feel empty as soon as I am back to Oz.

Miss Wilhede this is for you!

There is something you forgot when you left, you took the envelope but not the content of it.
So here it comes, I am sorry there are no dotty letters in the words. I will bring the original to you when I am in Sweden.
xx

Hej min alskade Linda!

Har sitter jag i min sang klockan 4.11 och skriver ett brev till dig! Varfor, undrar du sakert...Ja, kara du, jag har inte den blekaste. Maste vara for att jag ar stord, som vi alla har konstaterat for ett bra tag sedan.

Nar du laser detta sitter jag sakert pa min tva timmars lektion, maste vara trakigt. Tva timmar pa raken med Allana. Jag som inte kan bete mig normalt med henne. Hon har vantat for lang tid med att prata vilket gjorde att jag distanserade mig fran henne, kan inte hjalpa det.

Egentligen borde jag sitta och skriva min uppsats eller atminstone lasa pa fakta och teorier i det amnet men icke sa nicke. Nu ar det brevvaxla som galler, blir nog mest en monolog.

L. U. har lugnat mig angaende juridiken och examen och min framtid som advokat om jag skulle vilja bli det. Jag behover inte hur hoga som helst betyg just nu. Hon sa att uppdragsgivaren vill hellre se en utveckling i mina betyg. Vi satt och pratade en hel del om juridik och hur det funkar i diverse lander.

Gud vad jag kommer att sakna dig nar du aker. Vill inte ens borja tanka pa det, ska se det som en positiv sak. Jag har hittat en till riktigt nara van pa min livsvag. Nagon jag kan lita pa, nagon jag vet kommer finnas dar for mig om det behovs. Du vet hur man ofta blir betuttad i manniskor man precis traffat, man vill umgas med de jatte mycket och tror att det ar pa riktigt. Med dig och mina kanslor jantemot dig vet jag hundra procentigt att det ar karlek och ingen liten nyvans foralskelse.

Jag ar sa oerhort glad att jag fick chansen att lara kanna dig och den underbara manniska du ar. Ditt talamod skulle nog racka for hela varlden for jag ar inte sa enkel att ha som kompis, men du star ut, aven om du klagar lite da och da. Jag har dessutom fatt uppleva och dela underbara handelser med dig. Som att bada i Surfers och vara glad och nojd med livet eftersom vagorna ar helt fantastiska, jag har klappat min forsta kanguru med dig vid min sida, jag har tack vare dig kunnat hajka upp till "Light House" i Byron Bay och se en helt ny varld for mig som bland annat inkluderade delfiner aven om de sag ut som svarta prickar. Jag har aven statt och kollat utover det magnifika landskapet vid Mynion Falls och andats in lyckan som inte bestar av materiell substans. Den lyckan som jag kande dar har ett emotionellt varde for mig och du ar kopplad till detta minne som jag haller nara mitt hjarta.

Mitt minne innehaller inte enbart storslagna handelser. Du ar underbar som finns. Jag alskar dina utbrott av hysteri innan en uppsats nar du ser pa mig som en liten hundvalp. Helt forsvarslos och orolig for hur du ska klara dig. Det ar aven underbart att bara vara lojlig med dig, du dommer mig aldrig.

Jag minns var forsta Tavern tillsammans nar vi beslutade oss att ga hem sjalva och gick i fel riktning eller Tavern da vi beslutade oss for att ga hem eftersom vi var for berusade. Alla minnen fran daliga och bra tider tillsammans haller jag kart. Du ar en av de fa manniskor i mitt liv som jag har lart mig nya saker av och utvecklats som person. En av de ar min mamma. Du ar en av de som jag har slappt in i mitt liv och vill lasa in har sa att du kan vara i mitt liv for evigt. Skulle kunna skriva mycket mer men maste tyvarr ga till min underbara tva timmars lektion.

Alskar dig otroligt mycket Linda!

din Nelli

(vi ses klockan 7)

That letter seemed shorter when I read it, haha, such a long time ago that I wrote it!

Toodles!

How come he behaves around you?

-She is elegant and she is a lady - he said - just like Tom Jones sings in his song.
-Oh, ofcourse, that's it, she is a lady but who is Tom Jones? - she wondered.

Maybe, maybe not, smoking drinking and swearing isn't very ladylike. I have been thinking lately about how different we present ourselfs depending on who we are talking to and in what situation we are in. It is not only the appropriate way of communication in different settings but also a possibility of being different from your usual self. We adjust ourselfs according to the benefits certain behaviour might give. I think that people not only are two-faced but multi-faced. That is very interesting. Makes me wanna wonder, is there a such thing as being yourself and being real? How can you be real when it isn't appropriate at all the times? Our society is a doll house, FAKE.

But then again, personality is very complex and depends on different environmental stimuli which makes us react in different ways depending on the situation and people around us. This would be a psychological explanation, tiny part of it.

Very, very interesting, I will keep on thinking about that while smiling and being extra polite at work. People who know me well would usually not call me polite...

Night, night.

I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life

Am I???

Here we are again, thinking and thinking and thinking in circles, not coming to a conclusion. I don't even know what I am thinking about or I do but it is confusing. Partially it is again about finding myself. Just a year ago I was pretty confident that I knew exactly who I was and what I was all about. Australia did definetaly made me to rethink and realise that even though I have experienced alot during my life which made me grow up and mature didn't automatically help me to find myself.

Is it all about talking to other people who still are searching or to people who already found it? Is it a combination of both? I think I am getting a headache. I don't think that I have been helping myself alot either, going out and drinking doesn't really make you smarter, gives you a moment of joy and a day or two of hangover. The bad is greater than the good, is it worth it? Maybe, once in a while.

What about this semester? I have been concentrating on uni more than on myself, haven't really bothered making new friends, did develope my friendships with old friends. Have realised one or two things...I have certainly put some pieces of the puzzle together. I am getting there. This puzzle is one of those huge ones, with tiny pieces and alot of blue, that is sky or sea or white clouds. All of those pieces seem to fit with each other but only the certain special ones do really fit.

Have my Spanish oral exam tomorrow and then work. Wish me good luck.

xox